为什么我的写作总是达不到目标分数?你想过自己错在哪里吗?

　　2017-06-14 澳洲无忧雅思

　　为什么写作老是

　　考不到目标分数?

　　看高分范文大家都会，

　　摘录好词好句大家也都熟门熟路

　　但是你有没有想过

　　为什么没有考到目标分数吗?

　　为什么自己总是差那0.5分呢?

　　学习高分范文固然是一个好的学习方法

　　但是清楚明白自身存在的问题

　　也是雅思备考过程中很重要的一步

　　有些时候，明明觉得自己写的挺好的，但是不知道为什么分数总是不高。可能是因为你的四大评分标准中哪里出了问题，拉低了你的分数~

明白了自身问题所在，才能re-write，才能真正的改正自己的问题!

　　今天，我们先不学习高分的范文怎么写，先来看看，一般烤鸭都会犯哪些“不自知”的错误?

　　Q:In many countries, there is no enough recycling of waste materials (eg.

Paper, glass, cans). What are the reasons and solutions?

　　Most of garbage, such as paper or cans, are① not being recycled in most of

nations②around the world. This essay discusses③ why this is happening and

explores measureswhich can address④ the problem.

　　[①: are has not been properly recycled; ②: most of nations quite a

few nations (=most) nations; ③: discuss will discuss; ④: which can address

that can be taken to tackle]

　　There are several reasons that waste① are been neglected② for recycling.

The primary reason is that a considerable number of citizens have no

consciousness③ of rubbish recycling. For instance, many residents in developing

countries dispose④ the empty bottles or used plastic food containers as trash⑤

due to the lack of awareness in separating recyclable waste from general waste.

The second reason is that it is difficult for household to find extra space to

store those reusable materials, especially for those who live in small apartment

with limited space, which impedes the likelihoodfor⑥ recycling.

　　[①: waste is an uncountable noun when it refers to material that has been

used and also no longer wanted; ②: neglected re-word it; ③: have no

consciousness lack the awareness; ④: dispose throw away; ⑤: as trash

along with other general household garbage all together; ⑥: for of]

　　: I would recommend you to give a bit further explanation that why people

in the developing countries lack this awareness. For example, why don’t we

recycle used plastic containers so that we can reuse it is simply because they

are cheap and easy to obtain.

　　: I don’t really catch the second reason. Why we need to store those waste

materials??? The task is about recycling – if you recycle things that have been

already used, such as bottles or sheets of paper, you process them so that they

can be used again.

　　To tackle this problem, both governments and individuals are required to be

participants. The most effective ways is that governments can introduce

regulations which demands① citizens to process recycling② by rubbish

classification③. Take Australia for example, every Australian household are④

responsible to classify⑤ the part of rubbish⑥, such as glass, cardboard and

recyclable plastics, into recycling, which guarantees the maximum level of

recycling. Secondly, environmentalists⑦ can organise campaigns to introduce⑧ the

merits of recycling as saving the nature⑨ and creating a low-carbon lifestyle.

Therefore⑩, booting the awareness of rubbish recycling in individuals.

　　[①: demands: subject-verb agreement error; ②: process recycling recycle;

③:rubbish classification fining those who do not recycle; ④: subject-verb

agreement error; ⑤: classify recycle/separate; classify the part of the

rubbish means differently and weirdly; ⑥: the part of rubbish garbage; ⑦:

they are not individuals; ⑧introduce publicize; ⑨:saving the nature

preserving/protecting environment; ⑩: we use ‘therefore’ to draw a conclusion.

(Therefore, more waste materials can be recycled.)]

　　In conclusion, most of waste are wasted① because of people’s ignorance and

thedilemma② during storing. However, if governments regulate individuals to pay

attention to recycling, together with the appeal③ from environmentalists, the

tremendous quantity of waste can be properly recycled.

　　[ ①: ??? What does it mean? ; ②: what is the dilemma? ③: ???Wrong choice of

word. ]

　　教师评语：

　　The main problem is the way you use (or learn) English. Having a big bank

of vocabulary doesn’t mean that you can communication in English. In other

words, you are writing in Chinese-English, not English.

　　DON’T DO WORD-FOR-WORD TRANSLATION!!

　　You need to re-write essays that I have checked, so that I can tell that

whether you understand your problems and know the ‘correct way’ to write in

order to get band 7, and I can give your further advice. (在此要给批改的老师点个赞~

大家平时在练习的时候也要re-write，这是一个很不错的检验自己是否改正错误的方式~)

　　-Task Response: 6

　　As I mentioned above, misunderstanding the task (or you understand the

task; however, your writing impede the communication) will affect this

score.

　　You also need to further develop your answer by giving explanations.

　　(正如之前提到的，你对题目的理解有些偏差，或者说你理解了题目，但是你写出来的文章却有跑题之嫌。此外，你还需要更深入、更清楚的解释你的观点，可以借助举例来详细的解释你的观点。)

　　-Coherence and Cohesion 6

　　Cohesion of your essay is okay; however, cohesive devices should be used

wisely and properly.

　　You also need to examine the suggestion I gave to you in your preceding

essay, a